You find out who your real friends are
by AshNox
Summary: After an Order Meeting Tonks speaks to Sirius about Mundungus Fletcher and Remus.


Sirius was fierce. He reminded me of my mother's family. He reminded me of my grandfather, who could have been his twin.

Sirius was dis-owned, like my mother. He wasn't like them. I'm sure that was true. But he _looked_ like them. He sounded like them too. You could tell he'd grown up in this house. That those people had taught him how to talk, how to walk, the proper way to sit and hold his cup. There was a sneer that was haughty; he had it on him sometimes when other Order members suggested things he didn't like.

I didn't feel comfortable with Sirius because he reminded me of the other Blacks. The ones that had disowned my mother and me. The ones that had disowned him too. What did he do that was so unforgivable? He didn't marry or, God forbid, procreate with Muggles.

He looks like an Inferi. Thin as a skeleton, lauding over the table. He has terrifying eyes. Pale silver. And long tangled black hair. An Inferi is a corpse, re-animated after its death. He always makes me think of them. There is something strange about his clothes. Always the same top, same trousers, and sometimes a long robe, that reminds me of a dressing gown. It's almost pyjamas and a dressing gown. He is a prisoner in this house, just as he was a prisoner in Azkaban. But I don't think that's what the clothes are meant to say. I like the language of clothes.

.

Everyone says he was terribly handsome. You can tell, I suppose, that once he was. There are pictures in Kingsley's office, where he is young and beautiful. None here. There is a portrait here, that won't be removed, with his face burnt off it. Aloof elegant parents and a pale skinned brother peering forever out of the dusty oil-paint. Someone has disabled the animation charm, thank God, but it is still creepy.

.

Sometimes, when I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, I stop off to look at that oil painting, to remind myself that Sirius is on our side. An ally against the Darkness.

.

Back in the kitchen, listening to his distinctive soft drawl, taunting random people into quarrels, I am not so sure. Molly doesn't like him, and I'd trust Molly's judgement over my own. I think she knew him before and liked him just as little then.

.

Sirius has two allies who I actually think he loves, genuinely. That is surprising because you'd think he only loved himself. He treats everyone like dirt. I think the only pleasure he has left is baiting the other Order members stupid enough to let him.

He was doing it to Severus this morning. Relentless, like a dog with a toy.

.

Remus Lupin, who is Sirius's greatest ally, really shouted at him properly, as soon as Severus was shut out of the house.

.

We were still in the Dining Room, Kingsley, Alastor and me. We could hear them in the kitchen beneath our feet. Angry voices echoing up the stairs, until Alastor closed the door, to let us focus on our own business.

.

I've never heard Remus shout before. I wasn't surprised it was in defence of Severus, who Sirius can't let through the door without taunting like the meanest bully on the playground. We are not children. We are trying to win a war. Against an enemy unquantifiable but definitely stronger than us.

Personalities do clash and we don't always like each other. But you have to suck it up and make it work, because there's a job to do.

.

I'm glad Remus told him off. I'm just surprised.

I'm surprised Remus knows how to sound that fierce.

I'm surprised he'd have the presumption to shout at Sirius.

I'm surprised Sirius didn't murder him.

Remus, I think, is living in the house at Sirius's request. Frankly, I'm surprised he isn't homeless before the rest of the Order has arrived for the meeting.

.

But Remus is still sitting on Sirius's right side, looking disconcertingly quiet and inoffensive.

Mundungus, who always helps bait Severus, and whose name was also snarled plenty in the kitchen earlier, is the only one banished.

.

I can't say I'm sorry.

.

Mundungus is Sirius's other ally. A coarse, moral-less drunk. With long red hair every bit as straggly as Sirius's and a sallow tobacco stained face that had never had Sirius's once flawless beauty. His fingers are orange tipped and the ashtray-stink on his dirty robes is so strong it makes your throat involuntarily seizes up. I've never heard him make lewd comments, but he so looks like he should.

.

I am glad Remus is winning. I like Remus. He's quietly brilliant. Now, it turns out, he can also keep Sirius Black in check.

.

Remus Lupin is also making some strange statement with his clothes. It could almost be a joint statement but I'm sure it's not. Remus was a Dark Arts Professor, at Hogwarts, long after my time there. That is slightly cool, you cannot deny. Professor Lupin! He is young to be a teacher and handsome.

.

They were at school together. Sirius and Remus. You wouldn't have guessed. Sirius looks border- line inhuman. There's a proper insanity behind his silver eyes that Azkaban never put there and a gaunt madness that Azkaban definitely did. Beneath it all, you can tell he is a pureblood, you can tell he was born into wealth and power even if he was stripped of every dignity, repeatedly as the years rolled by.

So here he sits, in his black rags that blend with his matted hair, making a statement by not trying.

.

My appearance speaks of my soul more loudly than most peoples. I am a Metamorphmagus. I can mould my physical appearance to express my inner self. But so can anyone. It just takes them more time and effort.

.

Remus Lupin is handsome. He's probably in his mid-thirties.

.

Sirius's look does not conform to normal guesses at age, but pushed to it, I would never guess mid-thirties. He could be mistaken, probably, for a terribly tortured teenage boy, or just as plausibly some dark wizard that stole youth with an enchantment that has now cracked.

But once he was normal and at Hogwarts with Remus Lupin, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. He was very beautiful. The heir to The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. And relatively normal.

.

A conversation with Molly jumps to the front of my memory, describing him as a crazy bastard. It makes me smile. Not a 'crazy bastard' which suggests something quite loveable. 'crazy' and 'a bastard'. Her explanation, not mine. A list of dangerous escapades and a string of broken hearts. Vain, she'd called him, with his _hair_ and his _silver eyes_. Fearless and beautiful.

How are the mighty fallen, I thought.

.

There was mud on his dressing gown, and it so was a dressing gown. Thick but torn and ragged, with mud, just a trace, on the hem. I notice these things. I am not an Auror for nothing.

.

Remus's lips shaped the word 'Episky'. I saw him. I couldn't see his wand, but both his hands were beneath the table. Sirius looked round at him, uncertain as the spell touches, but passing no comment.

.

Sirius has no mud on his dressing gown now.

As it should be.

There is only meant to be cobwebs and dust on Sirius's dressing gown. You don't get muddy, stuck inside a house.

.

Sirius's clothes said that he was mad. There was a hint of comfort blanket about them, maybe. There was a lot of dirt that said he didn't care. Idly, I transposed the image of twenty one year old Sirius, a much copied photo of the Potters Wedding, over him.

.

I pondered if Sirius Black was ever as vain as Molly had believed. And I concluded almost certainly not.

Wandering into rooms flashing your face, hair, eyes, etcetera, was unavoidable. Handsome did not equal vain. Oh poor misunderstood Sirius.

.

I used a stub of pencil to write.

.

'_Mud?_'

.

Remus Lupin read it upside down. There was no reaction in his expression. I like that.

He lent across the table, scooped the parchment up and tossed it behind him into the fire.

.

Sirius frowned. I would frown! He's had a massive and slightly public bollocking for most of the morning. His best mate has been chucked out of the house and now Remus is casting unknown spells on him and passing notes at Order meetings.

.

Kingsley is arguing earnestly with Arthur about the manhunt for Sirius. But Sirius is not listening. He is watching Remus, to see if he is going to do anything else. Watching him so pointedly that I am not alone in noticing. Alastor, no doubt because of everyone's wavering attention, ends the meeting, irritably.

.

"…So we really can't stop." Molly explaining to Sirius. "Charlie said he'd make sure he got into the fireplace to flu us tonight."

"Tomorrow night." Arthur, 'helpfully'.

"No, definitely _tonight_."

"No... _Oh.._. Yes. Right." I love Arthur and Molly. I'm not sure which of them sounds more suspect.

.

"Later Cous." I say, brightly. Sirius is like a dog. You don't want to let him know he's frightening.

"Tonks." Sirius ponders. It's not a goodbye. It sounds like he's tasting the word. That or he's forgotten who I am and why I am his cousin. Would it be condescending to remind him who my parents are? Mother, your cousin. Father, Mr. Tonks, hence not a Black.

"We could give you a lift, Dora." Arthur offers, trying to escape his wife's glare. "Got the car running again."

"That's very kind of you." _Remus_ says.

"…Thanks, _Remus_." Because seriously, why is it _his_ job to thank, or even to accept invitations on my behalf? Maybe Sirius has put an Imperio curse on him after their fight. I consider the possibility seriously enough to check his eyes. The man has a poker face but he looks in control of his own faculties.

"Sorry, Dora. Its dark and a miserable night. You usually walk."

Everyone is clearing out around us. Even Alastor and Kingsley who usually want to stay and argue with Sirius until God-knows when.

.

"Later Cous." Sirius says, copying my turn of phrase. It sounds funny in his sneery Black voice. He almost looks nervous. No, not almost, he _does_ look nervous. It's a light bulb revelation moment.

Sirius Black; kept his sanity through twelve years of Dementor's torture, punished and hated for a crime he never commit, escaped the inescapable prison, is not superhuman. He is not unshakable, any more than he is the psychopathic servant of Voldemort I'd been raised my entire life to believe.

He's just a man.

A frightened one.

This meeting has been wrapped up _for him_.

Everyone had rushed away _because of him_.

.

"Sirius, are you alright?" I could rival Molly and Arthur with my lack of tact. I don't care. I am who I am. I think he looks frightened.

"He's fine." _Remus _says. Seriously now? My eyebrows rise despite myself. Surely Remus is not going to do everyone's answers for them.

"Sirius? Are _you_ alright?" I repeat.

"Yes, of course." Sirius says.

.

"Come on, Dora, we'll give you a lift. " Molly says, overly briskly.

.

I am not big on subtle things. Subtle things are by their nature small. It occurs to me, now everyone but us has shot out the door, and the house is quiet, that no one ever touches Sirius Black. Admittedly he looks brittle as bone and also like he might attack you if you tried, but that's not healthy, is it? I don't know if they keep you in solitary confinement in Azkaban but I think they might.

.

"Sirius." Formal, full first names. "Are you sure you're alright? I know you don't really know me from Adam but _we're family_. "

"Family means nothing." Sirius says, sharply.

"I'll get the car." Arthur suggests. "Bring it round the front."

"It's fine. It's fine." I say. "I'm going to walk. I like the rain."

"Dora, darling…" Molly starts at once.

"You heard her." Sirius snaps. "She wants to walk. Good Night, Molly."

.

Molly gives him one of her looks before bustling after her husband. She's brilliant is Molly.

.

"I like the rain." Sirius says, when she's gone and the door is closed again.

"I'm glad if you're getting out." I say, honestly. "Just make sure you don't get caught."

.

He considers. He turns to Remus.

.

I _am _an Auror.

I am not stupid.

I know he's left the house because he had traces of mud on the hem of the long dressing gown.

I know, as of today, that I have misjudged Remus Lupin and that is confirmed by the way Sirius has just looked at him.

I would bet a months salary on Remus being the only person who _knows_ Sirius has left the house.

.

"Sirius hasn't left the house." Remus corrects me. "I wore his robes to take the bin out. The yards filthy and I wanted to keep my own dry."

"If you were a Muggle that would make sense." I offered, amused.

It sounded so convincing but I do know Remus is a gifted wizard.

He could transfigure his much patched robes into anything he wished and he hasn't.

I actually find Remus quite interesting. That is why I am surprised I have misjudged him so badly.

"I never use magic when I don't need to." Remus says, evenly.

.

This is slightly freaky, but I might actually believe him if I couldn't see Sirius as well. If Remus is a superb liar, and I'm now certain he is, Sirius is a really bad one.

Fascinating.

Irrelevant but fascinating.

.

"I just said I was glad you'd gone out." I remind Sirius.

He nods.

I smile.

I think he must drive Remus insane.

I think, I can tell we're related.

"Why don't you just tell everyone?" Remus suggested, to Sirius.

"She won't tell Moody, will you?" Sirius says.

"No." Gah, that came out too easily.

.

"So, did you escape or did you get the jailors permission, Sirius?" I ask.

Sirius accio's Butterbeer and sits back at the table.

"I had the jailors permission." He said, opening the bottle on the edge of the table.

I can see the damage to the wood where he's done it repeatedly.

His house, his rules, I suppose.

"I thought you might." I sit as well.

Remus stands.

"You'll get a new jailor if you can't keep your thoughts to yourself, Sirius." He says, quietly.

"It's a wonder I remember how to share my thoughts." Sirius says. His hand shakes as he reaches for the bottle, as he thinks about twelve years with no one to speak to.

.

"…Tonks is Andromeda's daughter." He adds. "And she said she wouldn't say. That's good enough for me."

"Sirius." Remus says, uneasily.

Random decisions and volatile information is obviously not good enough for Remus.

"…She's a member of the Order." Remus says, finally.

"It's rude to talk about people as if they're not present." I point out. "You are also a member of the Order, Remus."

"Tonks is unique." Sirius said, looking at me carefully. His expression is unreadable. Unique as a Metamorphmagus? I have no other uniqueness that springs to mind. "She…" Sirius says to Remus. "Is young."

"I'm older than you were when you went to Azkaban." I snap.

.

An involuntary movement made him knock the bottle against the table.

It froths slightly.

"I'm sure you didn't think you were a little child then." I clarify. "When you were fighting the First Wizarding War, Sirius. I get this prejudice at work, all the time."

"The Ministry doesn't like young feisty females?" Sirius says. No, Sirius laughs.

I smile, uncertain.

The Ministry don't.

Sirius probably doesn't.

He doesn't like anything.

.

"I'm not so young." I say, evenly.

"You're young." Sirius says. "You are the _only_ person in The Order who didn't believe I was guilty. You didn't work alongside me, you didn't watch me give everything I had to the war, and still believe I was guilty. They were my friends."

.

.

A log split and crumpled in the fire. I am uncertain.

This was something I'd never considered before; when Sirius needlessly rips into his colleagues.

Thay all knew him.

They all let him rot in Azkabanm without a trial, believing him capable of betraying his best friend, and them, to Voledmort.

.

Remus says nothing.

What can he say?

He was Sirius's closest friend, but he must have also believed it.

He too had left Sirius in Azkaban to rot.

.

"Thanks for the beer." I say. Sirius's ghost of a smile comes back and he takes another mouthful. "What about Dung?" I ask.

.

I have never heard Mundungus question Sirius.

He backs Sirius up even when he doesn't know what Sirius is talking about.

I can see the grimace tighten Remus's strong features, and I have my answer.

That Mundungus may have been too useless to help Sirius but he alone had never doubted Sirius.

Sirius doesn't see it.

Sirius shrugs, glancing at the backdoor, as if looking for his noxious friends return.

.

"Everyone thought I was guilty." He said, quietly. "I hope there's some Firewhiskey around."

"Did everyone?" I ask Remus. "Did Mundungus?"

.

"…No." Remus says. He ignores Sirius's bottle knocking on the table again. "We didn't speak." He says, softly. "But no. I think, as much as he thinks about anything, he didn't… He never thought you did it." It was a tight lipped confession.

It's hard to tell what it means to Sirius.


End file.
